The Power of Perez?

I’ve been really bored and dissatisfied at work lately, and as such have found myself indulging in/consuming/needing celebrity gossip more than ever.  Obviously this confirms what everyone says about celebrity, and really all gossip- you turn to it when you most want an escape from your own life, and even your own problems.  I have long justified my celebrity gossip cravings as being like the best kind of escape, becauase I get to read about people who don’t feel real to me, and who do incredibly stupid, bizarre things.

About a year ago, I gave up celebrity gossip for a full month.  I’d had this moment where I was reading (again) about Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, and I realized a) how much I knew about them, more than I know about members of my extended family and b) how much I just don’t like them.  So I gave it up, cold turkey.  And it was great.  I was able to move away, read other things online while bored at work.  I didn’t feel the need to know what the latest headline was, who is “Just Like Us,” and all the rest.

Obviously, that abstinence gave way once more to the lust that is celebrity gossip- but for a long time, I found I cared less and less, and I felt good about myself.  However, the combination of a job that I really hate performing and figuring out how to tilt my computer so that my co-workers can’t see it has brought back the addiction full force, and I find myself digesting this crap more and more and more- its bad, friends.  Real bad.

So, today I was reading Perez Hilton online.  For a long time I resisted the lure of Perez, because I just didn’t get what was so great about him- until I realized how much information he seems to have.  It’s incredible.  The man reports on EVERYTHING and it is like a one-stop source for all celebrity news.  But still, I remain outside of the Cult of Perez, because I don’t find him particularly funny and he endorsed Hillary Clinton, like a fool, and then when she was obviously losing started to call for a “Dream Ticket.”  Point is, I maintain my skepticism.

As a somewhat objective Perez reader, I’ve long been fascinated by his seemingly random selection of celebrities he looooves and those he hates.  For example, he obviously loves Paris Hilton, and Madonna- both of whom patronize his website and interact with him.  But he hates, with real venom, people like Lily Allen and Mischa Barton.  Lily Allen in particular amazes me, because other than being young and drinking probably too much, I don’t understand the loathing for someone who makes good music and has experienced some real sadness lately.

And today, it dawned on me- something that no doubt is obvious to all those who are too good for celebrity gossip, who look down on it as plebian and invasive and terrible and the worst thing EVER.  Perez Hilton is just another fat, bitchy high schooler who needs to be loved and gains power through arbitrary criticism.  When Madonna’s source calls him to give him “inside” “exclusive” information, he eats it up and refuses to question the veracity of that information- because, after all, Madonna (the original bad ass prom queen) is talking TO HIM.  So why would he question it?  But somewhere down the line, Lily Allen must have done something (probably unknown to her) that pissed him off, or pissed off a friend of his, and now he is singularly focused on all of her mistakes and everything wrong with her.

It’s really an amazing thing to see, this “every man” who now makes his living off of becoming his own little celebrity, who wields this power over the music industry and over people’s perceptions of stars- which of course affects the business that their albums/movies/shows generate…and its all based on who pays the proper attention to him.  Madonna is no fool, she sucks up to him with an air of regality that keeps him lapping it up.  Somewhere along the line others have fallen from the grace of Perez, and his wrath is fierce and also, sad.  Because really, what does he do but give the rest of us a way to feel less bad about our boring/crappy jobs/lives by appealing to the hyenas inside of us? 

I think I’ll stop reading his website for now.  He’s just a bit too pathetic, and by extension, so am I.